Fearful Avoidants & Healing Their Push Pull Patterns

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Understanding the Fearful Avoidant Push-Pull Cycle
If you have a Fearful Avoidant attachment style, relationships can feel like an exhausting emotional pendulum, pulling you toward closeness one moment and pushing you away the next.

In this episode, Thais Gibson breaks down why Fearful Avoidants experience this push-pull dynamic and how healing begins by understanding your activating and deactivating strategies, the stories you tell yourself, and the unmet needs driving these patterns.

Episode Summary
Fearful avoidants often carry both anxious and avoidant wounds at the same time. This creates inner conflict, wanting closeness while also fearing it.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why Fearful Avoidants swing between activation and deactivation
How trauma, core wounds, and subconscious stories fuel push-pull patterns
Why calm, secure relationships can feel unsafe or unfamiliar
How emotional regulation helps you identify and meet your real needs
How questioning your internal stories brings you back to balance
Healing isn’t about choosing closeness or distance, it’s about learning how to return to center.

Key Takeaways
Fearful Avoidants have both activating (anxious) and deactivating (avoidant) sides
Push-pull patterns are driven by unmet needs and core wounds, not character flaws
Awareness is the first step, noticing when you’ve left emotional center
Questioning your stories helps prevent emotional dysregulation
Regulating your nervous system allows you to express needs more clearly and safely

Timestamps
00:00 – The Fearful Avoidant’s Push Pull Patterns
00:34 – Fearful Avoidants Have an Activating and Deactivating Side
02:45 – Take Notice of Your Activating And Deactivating Tendencies
03:15 – Heal From a Breakup Course Promo
03:51 – Question Your Stories
05:32 – Regulating Your Emotions Can Help You Meet Your Needs

Meet the Host
Thais Gibson is the founder of The Personal Development School and a world leader in attachment theory. With a Ph.D. and over a dozen certifications, she’s helped more than 70,000 people reprogram their subconscious and build thriving relationships.

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